Grief Before Blame. Always. Then Mercy.

It's a real place. These are real people. And they're shocked, devastated, and weeping. Those are my thoughts as I sit here in tears thinking about the tragedies that have happened in our nation recently.

I grew up in a small town in Texas. So, the tragedy in West yesterday evening hits home a bit more for me. I've been through West. My family always looks forward to swinging by the Czech Stop for kolaches when we go home for a visit.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but when I first heard of the fire and explosion, the thoughts of others and myself were that we hoped the Czech Stop wasn't damaged. We had no idea the devastation. We didn't realize people had died. We had just latched on to what we knew personally.

Tragedy is awful anywhere. But when it hits a small town like that, everyone suffers. If the death toll of 60-70 people holds up (and I earnestly hope it does not), it means every single family in that town has probably suffered the loss of a loved one -- maybe not their immediate family, but a cousin, an uncle, a neighbor. Someone close. Someone too close to be lost.

There is a time to look for answers. There is a time to find out what we can do better. But now is not it. 

I truly believe we lose a part of ourselves when we choose not to grieve with those who are grieving. To ignore the pain, skipping right to the anger and the blame, is to callous our skin and harden our hearts.

And oh my gosh never is the time for sarcasm. Nor belittlement. Can we get through one disaster without the idolatry of politics once again ruling the day?

How long was it after the horrid tragedy in Sandy Hook that our facebook feeds filled up with gun control debates, both for and against? Children had just been viciously stolen from their families, and already people were arguing with each other instead of praying for those picking up the pieces of their devastated lives.

When I first saw the photos and memes after Sandy Hook, I instantly thought about those parents and wondered how awful that must be to see. I would just be screaming at the top of my lungs, "I'm broken and hurting here! Can't you see?!?!? I'm burying my child at Christmas. Don't you care?"

The previous goes to everyone. But to any Christians reading this, I would add this:


I know that there are many more helpers than hurt-ers out there. Their stories are beautiful and encouraging. And on the scene, you see them clearly. But from a distance, they're harder to recognize amidst all the other junk. We can either magnify their light or dim it by our words and actions.


Jesus did not come to the earth nor to die for our political causes. Neither, liberal nor conservative, no matter how righteous they may seem. No matter how much of an expression of our faith they may seem. Judas made that error -- there was plenty wrong in their country that needed fixing. And he betrayed Jesus in doing so.

Let us follow in the footsteps of Jesus, not Judas.

Let us resolve to bind up the broken hearts. Comfort those who mourn. Rebuild the ruins. Be the tender-hearted hands and feet of Jesus.

And ignore the mocking debates in Herod's Court.

It's easy for me to get caught up in them, too. I have an opinion. Someone is wrong on the internet and I feel the need to clarify. But I've resolved it's a waste of time. People generally do not want to be confused by the facts. Instead, I'm determined to:

• Pray. 
• Volunteer. 
• Give. 
• Get trained. 
• Help the first responders and second responders -- 
• the Red Cross, 
• my denomination's Disaster Relief Agency, 
• a mission of mercy organized in my town or your town...

To do anything else, I believe, is to risk betraying Jesus. And the hurting. May I never do that again.

-rg-

Blessing or Prayer for a Baby Shower

We had a baby shower at our church today for two women expecting "bonus children", so to speak! Typical quirky pw that I am (and becoming even moreso as I age) -- I spent some time last night on pinterest searching for ideas of what to bring. I started a group board with other pastors' wives for shower/girly food, and then also a private personal board specifically for baby shower ideas.

Guess what I brought? Yep! A pre-made cheese and cracker platter I snagged at the store on my way to the shower. I just flat ran out of time! In fact, I was late to the gathering because I got confused with a turn and ended up on the wrong side of town!

So anyway! Last night, God seemed to be prompting me to work on a blessing to give to or pray over the moms and their new little ones. I looked up some verses, and here's what I came up with. I'm posting it in case it may be helpful to others. It can easily be switched from prayer to blessing with a few "May you's" and such along the way:

Thank you for these beautiful moms whom you've clothed in strength and dignity. They are strong women who manage their families well.

Thank you for these precious gifts whom you are knitting together in their wombs.

We look forward to getting to know them! Until then, we rest in the assurance that you've known them before they even existed, already acquainted with their ways.

May you give them a safe and easy delivery into this world, and help them to thrive once they're in it.

May they grow to love you with all their heart -- running to Jesus, just like the children did when you walked the Earth.

May our church love them with our hands and feet, as well as with our thoughts and prayers.

So, I guess if I was going to spend the time on a creative pursuit, I hope in this case it was better spent on the blessing rather than the creating of something edible or cute!

I don't usually write out prayers, so this was new to me! I grew up in a church where we did have printed liturgy and prayers, but people were always in such a rush to get through them, that too much was lost in translation. I'm gradually re-embracing some of that heritage, and have found it especially well-received in the multi-cultural setting we are now in.

 -rg-

(p.s. I was inspired by an e-book I downloaded after Sarah Bessey posted a short selection from it. Today's prayer from that book, Common Prayer. A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals included the idea of loving with our hands and feet. Two days in, and I am loving the electronic version of this book!)

I'm Not Blue About Autism

Today I went on a college tour with my eighteen-year-old son. He's a fascinating person. He sees things in ways I would never see them. He does things I'd never think of doing.

I still remember the time in middle school when he got bored during library time, so he translated his history assignment into Chinese. (His teacher of course was amused, but made him re-translate it back into English before re-submitting it.) One of many fond memories I have of his childhood.

So, imagine my excitement when I learned today that the school we were looking at actually offers classes in Chinese! I know that secretly, it excites him, too. I saw the smirk on his face.

Things haven't always been easy for us. I'm not meaning to gloss over that. Sensory overload was tough to understand and accommodate at first, to say the least. And I certainly understand why people find autism puzzling. (And highly recommend Temple Grandin for helpful insight.)

Oh yes, if you haven't guessed already, my son does have a diagnosis of autism, at least from the Psychologist. If you want to get technical, he has PDD-NOS with medium impairment, diagnosed by a Pediatric Specialist when he was almost 3. Though in working to understand him and help him, his "impairment" is now considered mild.

I mention it as an afterthought because my son is himself first. Autism explains why he doesn't catch on to certain ways of standing and certain social nuances. It explains why he can be disorganized about some things and won't always speak up for himself when he should. However, autism does not define my son.

Today, I'm going to say something that I've been sitting on for about 6 years. I think it's taken me that long to get the backbone to say it and not care about the consequences. In fact, I already posted something on Facebook and some of my friends there are not happy with me!

So let me clarify right from the beginning...  I know that people mean well. They post photos with puzzle pieces and/or blue lights because they know and love someone with autism! I get that, believe me!


But, there's more to the story...

AUTISM SPEAKS DOES NOT SPEAK FOR ME NOR MY SON!

That feels good to say! Please let me explain...

I have NEVER secretly hoped my son would accidentally wander off into a pond and drown. I have NEVER considered driving off a bridge with him in the car, only to be stopped by the thought of my "normal" children still needing their mother.

And I'm concerned that the "cure" for autism will most likely look a lot like the "cure" for down syndrome.

Confused? I'll let someone with autism explain, because their voice is what has been missing from the conversation all along (or at least for the last 6 years):

Why I am against Autism Speaks, by I am. I am. I am.

Oh, and might I recommend Autism Acceptance Month instead?

 -rg-

The Problem with Telling People When To Marry & Have Children

I've come across some articles lately that I just have to respond to.

Timing Matters When Having Kids seems to encourage others to have children young -- when you're more fertile and have more energy. This is certainly something to keep in mind when making life-long decisions.

I married young. What are the rest of you waiting for? posits a valid point as well. In the article, Julia Shaw makes the case that, "Marriage wasn’t something we did after we’d grown up—it was how we have grown up and grown together." (I also realize that she never mentions God or the Bible or anything like that, and perhaps I shouldn't be grouping these two articles together.)

Anyway, great thoughts there, too. But here's why I'm upset.

I listened to similar advice when I was younger, and I have regretted it over and over. Getting married "young" (at 22) made college tougher, and then I was faced with new pressures regarding children.

I loved my husband then, and I still do. But we got married way too soon. When he asked, "Why wait?" I didn't have an answer.

I also didn't have an answer when I read an article similar to the one above about why women shouldn't wait long to have children because of health reasons. I bought the advice that I could always finish college later and re-start my career after our children were squared away.

Twenty years later, I know the answer to "why wait" -- it's because I'm worth waiting for.

If I could go back to that time and give myself an answer to repeat, I would say to him, "Darling. I know that you're anxious to get started with the rest of your life. I know we love each other so it doesn't seem to make sense to wait any longer...

"But, I'm going to wake up one day at 40 and wonder how in the world I got there -- how I went 18 years without finishing my degree because there was always one more thing or person who needed to come first before I finished what I'd begun. I'll keep telling myself that I can always go back and finish later until I finally realize that it's too late and I can't go back (time, finances, etc.).

"I'm going to look over the lean years in our marriage, when a man with a master's degree working as a full time pastor wasn't paid much more than beggar's wages, simply because his first two decades of experience were in another denomination, and wonder why we ever subjected ourselves to that. Why we had no other options.
 
"And some day I'm going to feel accusatory and like God doesn't care, even though deep down I know better. Even though I know, know, know I have life so much better than many and how dare I even think that.

"And truthfully... I'm going to know that there's no sense blaming God for something I brought upon myself. I listened to others instead of blocking them out and asking God what He would have me do and when."

I was an emotional wreck at the time. I was having a hard time thinking for myself. I wish people would have advised me to seek God and would have prayed with me, instead of advising me on what they would do based on practicalities.

 It doesn't matter if you've been married for 6 years or 60, what God has told you to do is not the same as what God is wanting others to do. Maybe God wants them to wait. Maybe God wants them to adopt.

I've learned that when others come to me for guidance, I advise them to seek God, and I let THAT be enough.

-rg-

Clean Water: A #GA Church Experience

I'm a new missions leader this year for the GA's (a group for girls in grades 1-6) at our church, and am gradually getting my feet on the ground. If you know about GA's, we've been doing Journey projects along the way, and now I'm improvising a bit to help the girls earn a Pure Water, Pure Love patch.

One of my goals is to help these girls become missional leaders. I'm sure somewhere in the GA program, that's one of their stated goals as well. Like I said, I'm still getting my feet wet!

So, knowing that World Water Day is coming up, and since I'm also the Pure Water, Pure Love consultant for our tiny SBC convention up here, I thought it'd be neat if I could get the girls involved in planning an educational experience for our congregation, rather than having me plan something and telling them what their role will be.

Normally, we'd want to actually DO the activity on or near March 22nd (World Water Day), but the timing of Palm Sunday and Easter complicate things a bit this year. So, the next best thing is to use these two weeks or so to plan.

Since this is our first year and the girls are young, I've started them off with a partially fleshed-out idea this time around -- that we set a day at church where everyone willing carries around "dirty" water everywhere they go, to experience a small taste of what people in under-developed countries have to go through every day to fetch water that really isn't fit to drink.

I'm thinking we'll use water bottles for the young and gallon containers for the adults, health permitting. Then, at the end, we could use the water filters I have access to and demonstrate how effective they are.

But, I don't want to really make the water dirty. So, I had the girls brainstorm: What could we use to make the water look dirty, but would still be safe in case a little munchkin actually took a drink of it? I suggested something like chocolate milk mix, but wanted to hear from them. Here were their ideas:

• cooked brownies and/or brownie mix
• melted chocolate
• marshmallows with chocolate

I'm not sure what the marshmallows are for, but I think it's important for them to make the decisions, even if they're quirky decisions or mistakes. So next week, we're going to test out their ideas to see which might work the best to give us the desired effect.

Hopefully, we'll also finish up our plans so that I can share them with you as well. One of the girls is wanting us to have the congregation drink the unfiltered water instead, so it should be a fun discussion!

Until then, I challenge you to take a glimpse into the reality that is hardly imaginable. Clean water really does change everything.

For more information, please see  my PWPL page for another project idea, and connect with the national Pure Water, Pure Love Ministry.

If you're not with the SBC and are looking for a non-denominational water ministry, I highly recommend Living Water International. Their training experiences are top-notch!

-rg-